Tag Archives: Homelessness

DONT KNOW

I am not sure what to call this post. Its been a hard day and I know what it feels like to lose a brother. Today has been hard losing a friend and a member of the Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading. It was heart-breaking to see layna this evening I’m so glad Natalie was with me I do not think I could of seen her on her own. Some family is not the blood in your veins, its about how you interact with people, spend time with them and how you love them.

Helping the homeless is not just something you do its a passion, its a calling for me and it is something I feel I need to do this. Not just because I was homeless or because I am a Christian. It is hard to describe the amazing feeling and fulfilment and bursting with love. Today was kinda that type of day but with sadness in my heart. I know it is a huge struggle for me to not be affected by someone’s death. When I started Piaroo’s Wish, people would say I should not be personally involves but I was like I am already involved because I have been there on the streets.

We make memories and we share hugs, conversations, take pictures and befriend and just listen to our guys. We do food parcels, move people and help them when they find somewhere to live. We laugh, joke, share their moments of delight to sharing their moments of dread. helping them to see that they deserve a good life and happiness is very hard but try everyday to make a difference and sometimes it feels like a up hill struugle but I know its worth it because we see the difference when they are ready to help themselves. The gratitude for sometimes just stopping and saying Hi are you Okay? Do you need anything.  Sometimes that will make the difference between life and DEATH.

Losing a family member is never going to be easy for anyone, but we stick together amd look out and care for those in need. many of the guys all know each other and they do there best to look out for each other but sometimes people are left out.

I know I am rambling on but I don’t know what to write about especially how I am feeling about losing a friend and family member. I personally feel lost, confused, hurt, tearful, tired, exhausted, muggy, confused and just all over the space.

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AFTERMATH

Yesterday a dear friend who I have known for many years wrote something quite innocent on my wall regarding Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading. It was very helpful which I established after a few hours.

THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE

Satty…. You need to start taking a register/tally from your drop off in town, especially…

Some folks are making valid points about certain people not being homeless, or no longer vulnerable…
Yeah, you get people who need help as a one off, or a couple of times until they get back on their feet, like I needed it once…
But there are folks who don’t need it, or who are taking more than they need instead of doing their own shopping… Sadly…
I’m ok now, I can forward help on now….
But you need to keep a tally, because some of those folks either, no longer need it and are taking advantage, or are receiving from a food-bank or a church regularly, or even their own families…
I will PM you….                     img_4458

Now for me this is what I read……………

Satty your not doing it right. You need to do this because people are talking behind your back saying that you are a easy target and people you are helping do not need what you are offering.                                                                                                                                                 People are saying that the people you are helping are taking the Michael out of you they are not homeless and they are already getting help from other places. They only need your help once and after that they do not need your help because they are fine and on their feet.  People are taking items from you instead of using the benefit money that they are receiving to buy their own shopping.

You helped me once and that was all I needed and that I am fine now and I didn’t take the Michael out of you. I only asked for what I needed once.

You need o do your job properly because you are doing it wrong. The people you help are not people that need your help. You are doing your job wrong. You need to do a tally because people are taking the Michael out of you. You need to do your job properly. Your wasting your time and everything you have done over the last fifteen months has been a joke and people are laughing behind your back because your useless and a waste of space.

PEOPLE ARE TALKING BEHIND YOUR BACK SAYING YOU ARE USELESS AND NOT NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY ARE YOU WASTING EVERYONES TIME BY PRETENDING TO HELP PEOPLE THAT DO NOT NEED YOU IN THEIR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now as you can see what she wrote was nothing to what I actually read. This is what happens to me when I feel like I am being criticised or told I’m not doing a good job. At first when I read it I went into complete paranoia and on the defence so I asked politely for people on the group page to please read what my friend had written.                                    Funnily enough they all came back and said that what she had written was supportive genuine kind and loving. That she was making valid points and that I should take what she had written to be exactly what is was. If only my mind and brain would listen to everyone’s lovely kind words of wisdom.

I did apologise to my friend on several occasions saying that I had read what she had written completely wrong and that I was in the wrong and that I know she means well and is helpful. Also that she was very clever.

Now even though I totally believed what I had written and agreed that I was wrong and that she was right my head was saying something completely different. My paranoia had taken over and I knew I was in for a rough couple of days. My mental health issues were not going to let this lie. Deep within my mind all my old issues of being told I was wrong, useless, waste of air and space, obsolete and insignificant took hold.                                        So what I did was go onto some facebook events and played deal or no deal and also bingo and I won because I am so competitive which makes me feel like I am someone and that I am clever. Once all that was over I read what had been written in response to my post on the group page and also on my profile. As I reread what had written I genuinely agreed with what people were saying however my inner demons were still saying the usual rubbish and immobilising my happiness.                                                                                              At night my bi polar took its toll. I had the worst nightmare about being a bad mother NOW FOR ME THAT WAS A TERRIBLE THING FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH TO TAKE AHOLD OF.                                                                                                                                                                     My nightmare had only began. I was being hunted and also being verbally abused as a mother. The Asian community or my so called relatives were saying the most nastiest comments and the men were equally or more so aggressive and where mentally abusing me. I woke up around 5am which I was not happy about because I had only gone to sleep at 2am. I woke up with an panic attack and trembling. Its now 8.22am and I’m trembling within and my head is shaky. My impulse is to pretend everything is fine and that I am okay and that there is nothing wrong with me, only thing is I know better.                                I now have to put on a mask and pretend all is okay that I have no inner turmoil, that I am totally fine, that I’m okay however its not true.

 

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Ouch

Not a happy cat today. On our way to the Metro Bank to take a whole car load of donations we have collected from 23 Toiletry bags which had everything from antiseptic wipes to toilet paper to biscuits. We were going round the roundabout which was where the old Battle Inn Pub use to be and all of a sudden I started screaming because hot water was pouring from the 5 litre airpot. What had happened was the flask on top of the airpot slide the open button and pressed the top of the airpot and poured out the hot water. Bless Kaff  she didn’t know what I was screaming about. She stopped the car in the middle of the  roundabout and quickly took my trainer and sock off. The damage was not good but then again it could of been worse.

We parked outside argos as I wanted to take all the donations we coĺlected and hand them out with Grace Sharleen and Michael and say hello to my guys. That’s all I was trying to focus on but my foot had other ideas. I was deluding myself that I could manage the donations and then go to A&E. Therese, Grace and Kaff all said I should go and I asked Kaff if she could take me.

The pain was and is unreal. The nurse was lovely even when I was swearing (not too much). They bandaged me up and there were so amazing.  I have 2nd degree burns so i was very blessed as  I said it could of been worse. I am truly gutted for letting the team down and missing everyone today.

It will be up to two to four weeks when I will hopefully have this bandage off or even sooner God willing. I said to Kaff in the car that it’s most probably God telling me to rest otherwise I would stI’ll be going ten to the dozen.

Christmas will be trying especially as i can’t put all the decorations up or do everything I had planned from mopping the floor to cleaning the window sills. I hope the pain eases in the next few days.

 

CHRISTMAS DINNER FOR THOSE IN NEED

 

 

Today I went to The Way Ministry in Coley to help with their Christmas dinner for those who are homeless and in need. The event was amazing from start to finish. I saw many faces from Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading volunteers and people we help and some from Bridge Hall and some from The Way Ministry.

I felt truly blessed that Grace and Joe allowed me to be apart of their wonderful team. The dinner was lovely everyone left full and had a Christmas present and we also had a raffle. No one left without a gift. Its times like this that remind me how many vulnerable people we have in Reading.

Two years ago when I was in a bad place I wish I knew about the places I know about now. The likes of Bridge Hall, The Way Ministry, The Soup Run, CIRDIC and so many other organisations that help the needy. I struggled and life was very tight. We are through that now I am I so blest that I am in a position to help people and give a little back.

When we got home we took a massive food parcel and clothing to a lady in need who also helps two other families. This time of year where the majority of the world are getting ready for the one big day and overspending on food drinks and presents, decorating their trees and homes, It reminds me how delicate life can be one year your having the time of your life with family and friends and the following year you could be one of the people we help and your family and friends are nowhere to be seen.

The Giving Tree use to be a big part of my life every year I would take a card from the tree and purchase a suitable present for that card, two years ago the cards had gifts already wanted by the children but I could not afford to buy that gift. Now I give back the only way I know how. Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading is a big part of my life now. Every week I love what I do but then sometimes we run out of food or toiletries and that one thing that I can’t give back brings me on a downer. This Wednesday is our last normal donation donating day as the following week we will be handing out special Christmas Parcels which I can not wait for, it can’t come soon enough.