Feeling like a total ??????

Today started off amazing I was happy ,the sun shone mildly, I wore my niece’s black chiffon top and I actually looked good especially as I had taken great care not to over eat at the weekend and Ethan and I had spent a lovely weekend chilled in front of the television..

It is now 00.10am and I feel deflated and bruised, like the rug was not just pulled from under my feet, it has been shredded and I fell on my huge arse. I’m definitely not feeling happy. Now that my anger has dissipated which took me several hours, I honestly can’t tell you how I’m  feeling. Parts of me feel empty, and parts of me feel numb, some parts feel sick and some feel worthless and exhausted.

Can anyone tell me what and how am I suppose to act. Sometimes after therapy I feel elated, which I have not had lately. I’ve been so filled with rage after seeing an old therapist, It shook me to my core and therapeutically I was in danger. Finally  I opened up and admitted to the group why I had been acting the way and they were able to understand what had been going on for me.

Today in group I had several WoW moments as I call them. As I tried to make connections between the group, our conversations and my family and it finally dawned on me why I was having problems with one of the woman. The scenario being played out between my self and another female was now apparent.

SHE WAS KEEPING MY VOICE QUIET.

AND she wasn’t the only one.

As usual my relationship with the therapist goes deeper than his profession. He seriously is trying antagonise me.

I finally know how I am feeling

LOST

I HAVE LOST

I HAVE LOST MY VOICE

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