yesterday at our Family picnic for Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading, I celebrated my 49th birthday we had so much food and none of it got wasted. We made up 51 bags of toiletries and wish we could of had more donations because at least 10 people didn’t get one Also not everyone took toiletries so I calcite that we had over 65 people come to celebrate my birthday. It was beautiful and I had so many hugs from everyone.

Even though it was my birthday celebration I was still helping and I was taken aside by several people and everything that is said is confidential unless its a self harming issues or mental state issues. Luckily in the 21 months that we have been going I have only needed to ring Prospect Park once.

One of our guys needed some loving compassion. The guy is the most nicest of guys but the like so many has a past. I gave some advice and said what I could see and he got very emotional. It breaks my heart when I hear that his parents didn’t give a damn about him and that they didn’t love him. He said that I was the first person that said he had a loving family in us and that we loved him. I gave him lots of cuddles and reassured him that he was loved by so many and that he was a strong man who overcome so much pain and needs a lot of help. That he is not alone and maybe its time to show people his nice side.

I met Dennis by the river last night, he has only been to our picnics for 3 weeks. I knew instantly that he didn’t to chat (It’s a gift).  He began to talk and I put my arms around him and held him whilst he cried. Breaks my heart knowing someone can go through life and be of an older age and not receive love or understanding. He is now drinking which he wasn’t 3 weeks ago. He like so many had a tough life being ignored unloved uncared for.  I spent over half an hour with him and left him in a better state that I saw him in.

It is very hard for people to understand that we have people on the streets who never drink or take drugs but within a few weeks of being on the streets they turn to alcohol or drugs to deal with the harsh realities of life on the streets. Everyone we help is either homeless or vulnerable and needs LOVE COMPASSION UNDERSTANDING AND HELP.


Together with Facebook

People are always moaning about Facebook. It always makes me want to have a go or say my peace, but I don’t.

Tonight showed the power of Facebook.

For me reading families, friends or people’s statuses over the last few weeks has restored my faith in human nature. I am a daily face booker and I am glad to say that I am. I love to read what is going on for people. How they feel, knowing they are happy or sad. having a family day out or a holiday. Which does make me feel just a tincey bit jealous, not really.  Ok now I sound like a stalker.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

18 months ago I started Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading. I was amazed at the response in help from the people of Reading.  Ove the months are numbers have grown to over 1700 members WOW.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

It shocks me to think that 1700 people in Reading help the homeless and Vulnerable.

The Way Ministry help the homeless and vulnerable in Reading.  The Ark Project help the homeless of Reading. The Churches of Reading help the homeless and vulnerable and needy.  As well as other organisations such as Readifood, Launchpad, St Mungos, CIRDIC, Bridge and so many other schemes running all over Reading.

BUT WHERE IS THE GOVERNMENT IN ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????

Good question and the answer from me is, I do not know.

What I do know is, that, since its conception we have helped untold homeless people in Reading with their needs as well as the vulnerable We have provided and still provide daily help to those who are ready.

That’s what Facebook is about. Coming together as one. Tonight’s ONE LOVE MANCHESTER concert was amazing. The statuses on Facebook for me have been soothing and calming and to know I was not alone in watching the concert at home. People from all different backgrounds, ages, sexes, religions, towns and cities together watching and supporting Manchester as well as London.  Our love and support going out to the victims of these senseless attacks.

I wonder what I would do with Facebook and I Know that Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading would not be as good as it is. I know that I would still be helping people but not as much as we actually do.


Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading https://www.facebook.com/groups/868812933237102/

The Way Ministry                                                                                        https://www.facebook.com/The-Way-Ministry-Reading-1488460588043125/

The Ark Project                                                   https://www.facebook.com/TheArkProjectReading/?ref=br_rs




Homeless Our Appeal

It amazes me how someone who has nothing actually has everything and how people who have everything actually have nothing. Am I the only person who can see that?

I don’t have much but the love that surrounds me is more than the wealthiest person on Gods green earth.

I am lucky to have a home and a family. Many on the streets have nothing but the clothes they are wearing. Every week we try to do our best to help with food, clothing, toiletries, befriending and signposting, however it is not enough. Every week we also hand out sleeping bags, tents and gorund mats but we never have enough.

It breaks my heart to know that even though we are doing our best that we still have to turn people away because we do not have enough food or toiletries or tents etc. We have a group called Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading.





I am not sure what to call this post. Its been a hard day and I know what it feels like to lose a brother. Today has been hard losing a friend and a member of the Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading. It was heart-breaking to see layna this evening I’m so glad Natalie was with me I do not think I could of seen her on her own. Some family is not the blood in your veins, its about how you interact with people, spend time with them and how you love them.

Helping the homeless is not just something you do its a passion, its a calling for me and it is something I feel I need to do this. Not just because I was homeless or because I am a Christian. It is hard to describe the amazing feeling and fulfilment and bursting with love. Today was kinda that type of day but with sadness in my heart. I know it is a huge struggle for me to not be affected by someone’s death. When I started Piaroo’s Wish, people would say I should not be personally involves but I was like I am already involved because I have been there on the streets.

We make memories and we share hugs, conversations, take pictures and befriend and just listen to our guys. We do food parcels, move people and help them when they find somewhere to live. We laugh, joke, share their moments of delight to sharing their moments of dread. helping them to see that they deserve a good life and happiness is very hard but try everyday to make a difference and sometimes it feels like a up hill struugle but I know its worth it because we see the difference when they are ready to help themselves. The gratitude for sometimes just stopping and saying Hi are you Okay? Do you need anything.  Sometimes that will make the difference between life and DEATH.

Losing a family member is never going to be easy for anyone, but we stick together amd look out and care for those in need. many of the guys all know each other and they do there best to look out for each other but sometimes people are left out.

I know I am rambling on but I don’t know what to write about especially how I am feeling about losing a friend and family member. I personally feel lost, confused, hurt, tearful, tired, exhausted, muggy, confused and just all over the space.









Picnic for the Homeless

Wow what a day it was yesterday. I was a bit worried that no one would come but it was a success. All the food went. The guys on Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading https://www.facebook.com/groups/868812933237102/ did themselves proud. They donated deodorants, cakes, biscuits, water, sandwiches, fruit, Easter nests, men’s and ladies clothing, men’s shoes, socks, toothpaste, toothbrushes, sleeping bags and doggy bags.

I spent the last two nights sorting through the clothing and Michael came round Thursday evening to help with making up the toiletry bags. We made up 53 toiletry bags and 5 doggy bags. All 53 bags went with James, Becky and Sam taking any spare bags we had to those who were not there.

Each bag had an Easter Egg in which was provided by the Thames Valley Vultures and the Reading Rotary Club.   https://www.facebook.com/pg/Berkshire-Egg-Run-211479163216/about/?ref=page_internal

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The weather held out even though we felt the odd teardrop. It is going to take us time to get our numbers back out but we will get there.  It’s as if we have to start all over again whilst we wait for the council. I cant belive that they are taking so long. Why is it that they feel the need to take their time and with each passing week we are not out there helping the guys, the harder it is for the guys to retrust us.

The churches aremeven able to help because of several reasons. You wouldnt think it was so much hard work just to feed people.

This week has been a real buzz for me. I have missed going out and helping, constantly being on my mobile becyase of messages and notifications on Facebook, the worry of whether we would be able to make get all the donations. I do not know why I worry so much but I do and i am always proved wrong i didnt think people were going to come found but they need.

Letting the LIGHT SHINE

Everyone knows I have mental health issues/problems, however people want to describe depression, borderline personality disorder or Bipolar. It is very depilating and can cripple me at times. You would think I would have a handle on it but these conditions are unpredictable.

What  I do know is I have tools in place which I use daily which I learnt from having intense psychotherapy twice. Apparently I am over therapized. There is nothing they can teach me as I know it all, My consciousness and my unconsciousness which means for every action my head works, needs, unravels, dissects, analysis, break down, pros and cons and glue back together. My head is constantly on the go hence not been sleeping for more than a few hours at a time.

Yesterday I went to my support group and the guest speakers were talking about suicide and the after effects and the heartache of those left behind. My unconsciousness must have known as I missed the first half. Now if I was in a good place I would have found it an eye opener but because I have been in a dark place I found it profoundly heart wrenching. I left the group and went to burger king to get myself in a place to go home and see my wonderful son.

I got home and I spent the evening trying not to cry. What’s the point and then yet again my head is doing its own thing.

Today I woke up after having a few hours undisturbed sleep which was a good feeling. Laura who is a good friend wanted to come over for a cuppa to talk about policies. But she ended up taking me to the doctors for my acupuncture which was painful but needed. Then we went to get her dog who is adorable his name is axle and he lifted my spirits so I could look up and see the light.  I wish I was able to take pictures but he is only a puppy of 3 and he only sat still when he was hugging me and comforting me.

Laura treated me to Lunch something I didn’t deserve but she knew I needed a treat. We chatted and laughed and had food. I wont mention much about the food at the Mansion House apart from saying it was delicious. I took my meds and that was it I needed to sleep and i was slurring my words I was so relaxed and at peace I was trusting that my body had shifted.

Anyone she got me home and I went straight to bed. I had a meeting at 5.30 and I woke up with enough time to get dressed and get the bus.

This meeting was glorious in every way and uplifting and God was shining his light on me and letting me know that no matter what I have been through and that I was and am his daughter until he calls me home. I see the hope and possibilities and the future is bright and I know I will be having a manic few days coming along as I feel the splurge of ideas flooding my brain.

The darkness that has plagued me for the last month started when we had to close Piaroo’s Wish Helping the Homeless and Vulnerable in Reading. That was the first nail. then as the days went on and then weeks the more nails penetrated my skin my soul my heart and the pain has been hard to cope with. Knowing I couldn’t do what brought me so much joy and peace knowing I was worth something and that I was needed that my love and my care was being given freely and knowingly to the people who I call my family.

I have many families and the homeless and the vulnerable are another I would love in the future to have all my families in one place. That would be awesome. Anyway my blood family are great now that I am learning to keep my mouth shut and not argue which is me doing the arguing. My friends family are more than friends they are the people like Sonia, Therese, Kelly, Laura, Emma, Mandy, Maz, Kaff, Nemo and many more and yes they are all women.  My Christian family who save my soul and brought me to God and he forgave me my sins and boy did God have a lot of sin s to go through and He STILL LOVES ME. My Piaroo’s Wish family who bring the peace and love to me that is heart breaking to know I am unable to do what I Love which is help them feed them listen to them and be there.

I am not one for blogging when the changes occur but its time to let people know the signs for my mania like talking fast, falling and tripping, banging into walls and car doors, having ideas of grandeur, taking on too much and not listen to my body, cluttering my house and not doing a job and seeing it through because I have got side wipe and started doing another job.

Then maybe after a few days I will crash and deflate and the darkness will start to swirl and spread I may not get to that point of uselessness and being not needed which will then take me to my suicidal thoughts. One thing I can say for now is that I wont do anything as I know I couldn’t leave Ethan. I need him he grounds me and he loves me even when he is being a typical Kevin and Perry. Ethan has kept me from taking that step for years and he carries on without knowing how much his love and trust holds me together. Thankfully he doesn’t know how much I need him.

Anyway for now I am loving my life and the light is shining and God is teaching me to take this time to prepare and pave the way forward. Bright amazing things are going to happen. I know I need to pray more and listen to what God is teaching me.


Bipolar UK Support Group

Last Wednesday I went to my first BP UK GROUP. I was really nervous which is so not like me. At one point before the group started I was outside having a cigarette when I thought, right let’s go home, however my legs were stuck to the ground.

I made myself a cuppa and then went into the main hall, took a seat and also a seat for my tea. May as well make myself at home. The group started and we went through the code of conduct and then One of the gentleman talked about something but I couldn’t hear anything apart from my heart beating as loud as the biggest drum. Paranoia was trying to invade my thoughts and as much as I wanted to walk out a small part of me wanted to stay.

After an hour we had a tea break which was what I needed. I felt as ease after that break. I am not sure what shifted within me but I was glad not to have to spend my time fighting with my mind.

Then a bicycle pump which was made to be the talking stick went round and if you had something nice to say about the last month you could tell the group. I can not tell you how much I was dreading that stick as it got closer to me.


All of a sudden I spilled the beans about my life, my turmoil, my loneliness and the fight within. Everyone was so lovely and many gave me feedback. That was it. Now I just wanted to run but I did not. I took the advice and I breathed.

Next they did a raffle and I won a pir of socks which I will be giving to Jason, my Big Issue seller. The group finished and I made myself another cuppa and sat down. I spoke to a lovely lady whose name I have forgotten then Natalie arrived and asked me how many metal fillings I had. Apparently Many countries have banned metal fillings because of the lead, which still omits toxins which scramble the thoughts with in. There is a dentist in Bournemouth which helped Natalie with Homeopathic  remedies and she since had no invading thoughts. I must get my fillings out.

Afterwards we heading down to the bar and I had a coke with two ice cubes and we chatted with other fellow members and I felt a release and I did not feel alone. I can not thank BPUK and the lovely coordinators of the group. I can not wait until next month and the month after that.

If you have Bipolar and would like to know more about the support group by visiting the Bipolar website http://www.bipolaruk.org/. You can email the group on info@bipolaruk.org or telephone them on 0333 323 3880.

Never Forgotten

We remember the shock.

We remember the pain.

We remember it all- the towers, the planes.

We remember our anger, our need to lash out.

We all wanted justice, without any doubt.

We remember the hope that more would be found, buried in the wreckage where those buildings came down.

We remember the people referred to as heroes, all the ones who saved lives or died at ground zero.

We will never forget.

We will always remember, when America changed that day in September GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN

Shared from Facebook  September 11 2011

Life has moved on since that dreadful day,

When planes demolished two towers, the world turned grey.

Silence bought the world into shock,

Hands stood still and stopped the clock.

People watched the television and listened to the radio,




When the world was in limbo.

Years on the memories are still just as raw,

Life goes on and people restore.

2996 hero’s hearts stopped and were still,

For each one a candle burns tranquil.

May families find peace, Burn bright and true,

Your are not alone, we are with you.

Satty Mann











September 8, 2016


A little while ago I decided to see if life on the street was the same as 30 years ago. I was shocked at how I felt sitting in town on the ground begging or should I say not begging just sitting and being ignored. I didn’t need to spend the whole day to gage the homeless situation and what it is like to live on the streets because I had been there over 30 years ago, but it was a different ball game then.

This is my days events

11am left home and caught the bus into town.                                                                          11.23am took a seat outside Clas Olsen on Broad Street. Luckily at 11.30am I saw Hannah and Suzanna and we had a little conversation. At 11.55am Jason the Big Issue seller arrived and we had a chuckle about me keeping his seat warm. I decided to moved to the alley way next to Cath Kitson.                                                                                                                              12.05pm I sat down on top of my sleeping bag and said good morning to passer-bys and wished them a good day. Many said it back however the majority looked at me as if I was mad or deluded. It was not a nice feeling but I could cope with that  so I thought. It soon came apparent to me that I suddenly had become invisible and for me that was depressing, people just stopped saying hello and it was as if the Oracle was having a sale and everyone was in a rush to get in line. I thought to myself I have to move so far I have not made any money, which may I state now, anyone who offered me money I told them what I was doing and why I was doing it.

img_4713                                                                                                                                                                   13.05pm Leno came by trying to dodge the police. For me it was apparent that this was a daily occurrence and quiet a pain in the behind. This was an irritation for many of the homeless on the streets trying to genuinely beg for food or in many cases money for drugs and alcohol to get them through the mundane madness of life. Freckles also know to people by the name Lee suddenly appeared with a bundle of NME free magazines and started to sell them to unsuspecting walkers. I have to say I found him to be very bullish, rude and down right unfriendly. This I witnessed first hand as he decided to set up right next to me. After five minutes I could not take it any more I had to move before I gave him some unpleasant comments. Time to move to a new location.                                           13.15pm I walked over to Smelly Alley thus known for the pure stinkiness of fish and meat. I sat down thinking how disillusioned I felt and so very depressed at life in 2016 on the streets. Then suddenly from no where Ruth Dalfsen appeared and my faith was reassured but then again not really. I posted on several Facebook pages that I would be in town and for people to come and take a picture and put it on Facebook. So far I had two pictures taken one by Hannah and Ruth being the second. We had a natter and she even went to McDs and bought me my first drink. She then left and next thing I knew a young man gave me a peach. I explained what I was doing and he said to me well you must still be hungry so please enjoy. My faith in human kindness was restored. At 1.50pm I could not believe it Sally a very old friend was right in front of me. She was a breath of fresh air. She was so different and happy and her daughter so very beautiful and she had three other daughters. I thought to myself, it is good to look up as you never know who you would see. We Had a long natter, she bought me a cuppa tea from…………..yes you guessed it McDs.


Blast from the Past Sally


Sally had to go and she made my day as well as seeing my other good friends too. Soon after she left me another lady I knew from Oak Tree House came and said hello and she was at first taken aback and immediately thought I was homeless to which I explained my situation.  My pain in my legs are beginning to become very irritable and I tried my best to sit through the pain which made it worse. I had to ask for help to get me up and after a few minutes the numbness in my legs soften.


Being Homeless


When I left home I moved into a hostel in slough called SYPHA which stood for

Sloughs Young Persons Housing Association. I was having a great time, I finally

was out of an abusive household and I could live a life leaving the trauma behind

me. In those days it was unheard of, Asian girls running away from home but I had to

do what I felt was the right thing for me.

While I was staying at the hostel, one of the residents was chucked out because

they were not adhering to the rules. As it had been snowing I could not leave my

friend to stay out in the cold so I stupidly sneaked them in. Anyway to cut the

story short, another resident spilt the beans, leaving me and my friend out in the


That is when I knew never to trust or rely on anyone and at the end of the day

I was on my own. I had a few bags of clothes and the shoes I was wearing and

an adventure ahead of me so I thought. I was so wrong

The ground was white, the air was frosty and the sky was blue however my heart

black with icicles stabbing at my hands and feet. I spent my first night in the

doorway of a shop in the High Street. I was so cold and my hands and feet were

freezing luckily I had a few pounds on me so I was able to feed myself for a

couple of days.

On my fourth day I had run out of money so I did what I had to do. I walked

into Marks and Spencers in Queensmere, with my heart pounding and trying not

to look inconspicuous. I looked around for any sign of the security guards and

stuffed some meat pies down my coat and quickly made my getaway. I took

myself off to the car park at the end of the High Street where I was now sleeping

and had left my bags with all my belongings. I ate my pie as if it was the best

food I had ever tasted.


Over the next few days I would go into shops stealing food and cosmetics. The

food I ate and the cosmetics I would go into pubs and sell them to anybody.

I would use the money to buy hash and I would smoke away my troubles and my

nightmares away. I could not see a way out from my predicament and at times I

thought go home but I knew that was not a real option. I had shamed my family’s

honour and that there was no way back. I met a young man called Stuart who

had been on the streets but was now living with his girlfriend in Dedworth in

Windsor. He said I could stay with them but I would need to sleep on the floor. I

accepted the kind offer but after a few days I left and walked from Windsor back

to the car park. I felt safer in the car park than I did round their flat.

I carried on stealing and went into a shop and grabbed anything I could as I

knew there was always someone who would buy what I had stolen. All I needed

was to make £5 a day for drugs and food, that is all I needed to survive another

night in the cold. After a while I was arrested coming out of a shop and that

was the turning point in my life.